Eye contact can be incredible confronting and incredibly powerful. I certainly had to learn how not to avoid it. I still find it very vulnerable, but also very rewarding.
Sit opposite your partner for this exercise. (If you want to experiment with being more intimate you can sit in yab-yum.)
Begin by casting a spell to open and set the tone of the ritual – something like this:
“Everything that you are is welcome in this space. Everything that you are proud of and everything that you are ashamed of is welcome here. If you are feeling great joy or peace, that is welcome here. If you are feeling fear or anxiety, that is also welcome here. Even if you are feeling nothing, if you are numb, that is welcome too. Whatever is real for you in the moment, welcome.”
Then, closing your eyes, connect in with yourself for a while.
When you are ready start a timer – choose a length of time that makes you feel slightly uncomfortable. 5 minutes is a good start if you are unsure. (Please find a timer that signals the end of the time in a brief and gentle way).
During that time you may look at your partner’s eyes, or you may have your eyes closed. If you feel like you are losing your connection to yourself and your own presence, close your eyes to connect with yourself again, but gently push yourself to continue the eye contact when you are ready. If you find yourself flicking between the eyes then try to choose one of them to settle on.
At the end of the time close your eyes and spend some time connecting with yourself again, and noticing what is going on for you.
Then thank your parter with a hug, a bow, or a namaste. Perhaps you will also like to share how that experience was for you.
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